How I Turned Being a Woman in a Man's World into Being a Person in a People's World
At least a couple times a week I hear from various people, “Wow, you’re in a very cut-throat, male dominant industry!” Hearing this reminds me of when people say to my 6’7” husband that he’s really tall. It’s just stating the obvious. As someone who has spent her entire career in finance, architecture and commercial real estate, I think to myself, “Yes, you’re right; it’s both of those things.” But, I choose to never focus on these factors and thrive in my career because I do not view them as a hindrance.
This isn’t to say that I haven’t had unfair incidents occur throughout my working history. And in no way am I trivializing my experiences, or the experiences that women at large have endured in previously outdated or inappropriate workplace cultures; I just don’t change the expectations that I place on myself solely because I am a woman.
What rules my day are my goals, values, personality, desire to succeed and how I conduct myself. And of course some fun because let’s be real, life is short! I don’t behave differently because I’m with men or I’m with women, and I don’t spend time thinking about the challenges that can come with working in a competitive field. The truth is, there is a lot of noise surrounding businesses of all kinds, and I know from my experience in many roles that if I listened closely and took people’s comments to heart it would have suffocated me. So instead I rise above and operate at my own frequency. It takes hard work and conscious decision-making to stay where I want to be professionally and emotionally, but it’s also how I grow, learn, and find fulfillment in my work. As I’ve matured, I have learned the importance of outlook and focus, and there are a few key things that keep me on top of my game.
“March to your own beat and create the narrative that is your story. It can be easy to get caught up in the stereotypes that society places on people in many diversities but don’t let it deter you. Don’t give the noise your attention.”
1. I NEVER THINK OF MYSELF AS AN OUTSIDER.
As much as people might point out that I am a woman in a man’s world, I really think that I am a person in a people’s world. If I went into a work situation assuming that I would be treated differently, it would be hard for me to be confident and perform at my best. So I choose to never think of myself as unequal and command respect always. In the same right, I never expect to get special treatment because I am a woman.
2. I SURROUND MYSELF WITH LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE.
I value working with people who are honest, positive and productive, and in turn, these are traits that I cultivate in myself. If I was constantly with people who saw themselves as victims to a competitive or male dominated culture or people that complained a lot, it would be hard to stay focused. I build relationships with people that have a similar perspective on life, who are dedicated to succeeding in their work, who are a positive influence. I also understand that there will be some people, men and women alike, that I simply won’t vibe with. I accept that for what it is and don’t let it change the way I perceive myself or my work. As the saying goes, your vibe attracts your tribe!
3. I OWN THE WAY I OPERATE.
I like to keep my edge and do things in a way that is ethical, honest and reflective of me. I believe that everyone has a voice to be heard and it’s not always best to do things a certain way just because that’s how it’s always been done. At the start of my career, I quickly found ways to accomplish tasks that felt more natural to me while still being respectful of colleagues. I am not afraid to speak up as it comes from place of good intention. I know that it can be scary to speak your mind if you aren’t used to doing so, but once you start, you see how much people appreciate your contributions.
4. I STAY TRUE TO MYSELF.
I have always held myself to high standards, often ones higher than what other people place on me. I give no space to anyone to look down on my work and I celebrate my successes, even the ‘small’ ones. My first job on Wall Street I remember buying suits I could barely afford to fit in with the guys on the trading floor. It didn’t feel like me but I remained who I was on the inside. While my more personal style set me apart over time, my values of being self-reliant and a go-getter created solidarity with the people I worked with. This has been a huge part of my success. I genuinely want the same things that the people around me do. If I was faking who I am or what I care about, I would never be happy, fulfilled or successful.
5. I CONTROL MY MINDSET.
A few years ago I saw street art that said “Attract what you expect. Reflect what you desire. Become what you respect. Mirror what you admire.” This is the mantra that I live my life by, every day. A picture of the sign on my phone is a constant reminder that I have no control over what happens around me, but I do have control over my perception and reaction.
The key here is this: march to your beat and create the narrative that is your story. It can be easy to get caught up in the stereotypes that society places on people in many diversities but don’t let it deter you. Don’t give the noise your attention. Work hard, do the best with what you have, and commit to your success no matter what your role.
