Why You Truly Have to Care About the People You Meet When Networking
When people talk about networking, what they’re really talking about is experiencing a genuine connection, or lack thereof.
When it comes down to it, networking isn’t just communication, it’s establishing a human to human connection. This connection can stem from several places: intellectual compatibility, demonstrated engagement, matched intelligence or an energetic spark -- a natural, un-fakeable feeling that you have when you know you’re going to gel with someone.
This type of connection, however, is not a guarantee and we need to establish this to break the networking paradigm. The notion that if you attend a networking event and talk to five people, you’ll have five new contacts is false. You’ll have five viable leads for new contacts, but it takes that extra spark to truly build a connection. But how is that spark born? What really renders a genuine connection between two people? These are daunting questions to answer because the truth is, they’re impossible to get right all the time. And a connection cannot be forced.
In fact, the first rule, when meeting new people is to accept that not everyone you talk to is going to feel a spark, and, similarly, you won’t feel a spark with everyone you speak to, either. Accepting that we’re diverse people with different interests, attitudes and views, who may or may not vibe with one another for a multitude of reasons, is key to networking authentically. Once you’ve accepted this, there are a few ways to ensure you are connecting with people in a meaningful and memorable way.
First, focus on listening rather than hearing, the difference being that hearing is an auto sensory response to your environment, while listening is an active, conscious choice to engage with what someone has to say to you. Listening comes from a place of intentional intellect and CARE. I hope it doesn't sound strange that you should care about what someone has to say when you just met them – because this is crucial. The first impression largely entails whether you are present with the person in front of you, and whether you seem to care what they have to say. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, you have to work at it and practice. How better to do this than to get yourself out there more.
Listening requires attention and comprehension. It’s when you make the decision to not let your mind wander to other responsibilities, your schedule or even what you plan to say next; you give what’s being said your pure, undivided attention. When you listen this way, you allow yourself to fully take in the conversation. You let the conversation be just as much about your absorption and understanding as it is about what the person is sharing. This establishes an exchange of energy that I describe as an experience. By listening to understand, rather than hearing to reply, you are holding space for someone to be truly heard. You are setting the tone for this other person to experience YOU!
Holding space is key to forming a true connection because it allows people to feel seen and understood. This sense of value and belonging is what’s at the heart of networking. Everyone wants to be seen, acknowledged, understood, accepted. Think about the most uncomfortable you’ve felt in a networking environment. All you probably wanted was to feel like you were part of a conversation. Beyond whatever fear, mood or fatigue you felt was a sense of isolation that could have been overcome by someone simply holding space for you. Because being truly listened to intrinsically carries with it a sense of acceptance.
Once you’ve mastered tuning out distractions and are truly present in a conversation, it’s also important to think about your approach to the networking opportunity. When forming real, authentic connections, you must be honest with yourself and check your urge to be judgmental or see people as a means to an end -- focus on simply getting to know the person better, not whether you can monetize the connection or gain something from them. In fact, it is this mindset that has helped me build a solid network of real, genuine relationships with friends, colleagues, referral sources and clients.
“By listening to understand, rather than hearing to reply, you are holding space for someone to be truly heard. You are setting the tone for this other person to experience YOU!”
It’s true that connections beget business relationships and it’s not a bad thing to want to monetize your networking skills. There is an appropriate way to do this, though. When I meet people, I’m not assessing pipeline or thinking of how much money I could make from our connection. I go completely against historical sales tactics and simply take people as they are. I look for ways to connect that aren’t one hundred percent focused on business, and when it organically arises I circle back to business. You’re probably not surprised that it often does, because when you build a network of people that genuinely know and trust you, it’s natural and easy to want to work together and help each other.
You’ve stripped away a level a shallowness that is tied to only talking to people who can immediately benefit you, to build a real bond with one another. The energy that this authenticity puts out in the world attracts like-minded people, meaning the more you focus on building a network of people you truly connect with, the more connections you’ll make and the stronger the ones you already have will grow. It all starts by showing up with the intention to truly listen to those around you.
