The Thing An Optimized Life Might Be Costing You

There was a period in my career where I was thought I was doing everything right and had optimized every ounce of time Monday to Friday. Efficiency was my middle name and I'd even pride myself on how much I handle. Of course then I'd spend Saturday and Sunday trying hard to be present and recover for the week before repeating it all again.

At some point, though, I started to notice that while I was always busy, I wasn't really present for much. I was producing output and revenue, physically there at work and home, but not emotionally invested or leading, partnering, mothering how I wanted to or knew I could.

As I started to internalize connection, intention and a mindful way of life I discovered that the routines I had adopted habitually were not fulfilling, in fact they drained me.

Your routines may seem efficient if they reduce friction and keep things moving, that's great. They likely ask nothing of you emotionally and require little critical thinking. You can execute one on autopilot, and often, that's exactly what happens. A ritual is different because it's chosen and infused with meaning. It's not what you do, but how and why you do it that matters.

A ritual sets up a moment of internal alignment before you step into whatever comes next, and that changes not just your experience in the next moment, but how others experience you.

Steve Jobs' biographer, Walter Isaacson, observed that taking a long walk was Jobs' preferred way to have a serious conversation. It was the environment that allowed him to do his clearest thinking and most honest listening. Jony Ive, his closest collaborator at Apple, said that much of their most important creative time together happened on those walks, deliberately stripped of distraction, away from screens and conference rooms, in a space chosen and designed for presence and creativity rather than performance.

He didn't stumble into this ritual, he designed it then protected it. For someone running one of the most demanding companies in the world, those walks weren't a break from the work. They were the work. They were the part where clarity set in, conviction in his vision grew, and decisions got made from intuition and reflection rather than reaction.

Research backs this up in ways that should matter to every leader. A 2024 review published in Frontiers in Psychology confirmed that a practice of intentional presence measurably strengthens the cognitive capacities leadership actually depends on: focus, decision-making quality, and the ability to manage reactions under pressure.

Chronic stress progressively compromises the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for sound judgment and nuanced thinking. What rituals do, neurologically, is interrupt that erosion. They are not indulgent. They are protective.

The leaders I've seen do this well aren't always the most calm people, but they are more present ones. There's a difference between a leader who is calm because they're checked out and one who is grounded because they've actually checked in. The ones who move from alarm to inbox to back-to-back without a single deliberate pause tend to drift. Their decisions start reflecting the loudest input rather than their own judgment. The job starts to define them instead of the other way around.

Yes, habits automate behavior, and of course routines create structure. But rituals are also structured and they do something neither can: they restore you to your values, your clarity, your sense of self. They're a practice of returning to yourself before the world gets its hands on your attention. And in a world that constantly demands more that restoration isn't a luxury. It's what makes the rest of it sustainable.

Ritual doesn't require new hours in your day. It requires intentionality in moments that already exist so you can gauge internal checkpoints: What do I actually think about this? What matters here? How do I want to show up?

If you haven't seen it yet, this Inc. Magazine article features my work around this topic: The Real Reason High-Performing Leaders Feel Exhausted, Even When They’re Doing Everything Right

This week's question worth sitting with:

At what point in your day do you actually check in with yourself, with your own thinking and values? If you can't name it, that's the gap. 

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If you’re thinking about how your team/organization is going through change or will be very soon, and want to create more sustainable performance, let's connect. If you’re exploring personally, here are a few resources to help: Mastering Your Mindset guidebook and The Alignment Method.

I Can Fit That In, was selected by J.P. Morgan for it's NextList 2026, recognizing standout books sparking big thinking in an era of transformation. Get your copy today wherever books are sold. For discounted bulk orders reach out to my team at info@erincoupe.com.